House is God http://houseisgod.com/ House is God en House Is God http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ House Is God It's Not Lupus http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ It's Not Lupus Everybody lies http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Everybody lies Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable. What would you prefer - a doctor who holds your hand while you die or one who ignores you while you get better? I suppose it would particularly suck to have a doctor who ignores you while you die. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ What would you prefer - a doctor who holds your hand while you die or one who ignores you while you get better? I suppose it would particularly suck to have a doctor who ignores you while you die. I became a doctor because of the movie Patch Adams. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I became a doctor because of the movie Patch Adams. I've been alienating people since I was 3. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I've been alienating people since I was 3. You are the most naive atheist I've ever met. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ You are the most naive atheist I've ever met. Okay, you two grab some scalpels and settle this like doctors. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Okay, you two grab some scalpels and settle this like doctors. It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. Perseverance does not equal worthiness. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Perseverance does not equal worthiness. Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again. As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want. I don't ask why patients lie. I just assume they all do. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I don't ask why patients lie. I just assume they all do. I'm too handsome to do paperwork. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I'm too handsome to do paperwork. Lesson to be learned: treat everybody as if they have Korsakoff's, we all lie anyway. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Lesson to be learned: treat everybody as if they have Korsakoff's, we all lie anyway. I said I was an addict. I didn't say I had a problem. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I said I was an addict. I didn't say I had a problem. Drugs don’t make me high, they make me neutral. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Drugs don’t make me high, they make me neutral. As fascinating as our bodies are, they're also stupid. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ As fascinating as our bodies are, they're also stupid. Read less. More TV. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Read less. More TV. Physician-patient confidentiality protects me from annoying conversations. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Physician-patient confidentiality protects me from annoying conversations. I take chances all the time. It's one of my worst qualities. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I take chances all the time. It's one of my worst qualities. The eyes can mislead, the smile can lie, but the shoes always tell the truth. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ The eyes can mislead, the smile can lie, but the shoes always tell the truth. On average, drug addicts are stupid. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ On average, drug addicts are stupid. If you can fake sincerity, you can fake pretty much anything. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ If you can fake sincerity, you can fake pretty much anything. You met me at a strip club. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ You met me at a strip club. I know you're friends with her, but there is a code. Bros before hos, man. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I know you're friends with her, but there is a code. Bros before hos, man. You know how they say, "you can't live without love"? Well, oxygen is even more important. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ You know how they say, "you can't live without love"? Well, oxygen is even more important. I can't check out this guy's seeping gonorrhea this close to lunch. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I can't check out this guy's seeping gonorrhea this close to lunch. Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good. Bizarre is good! Common has hundreds of explanations. Bizarre has hardly any. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Bizarre is good! Common has hundreds of explanations. Bizarre has hardly any. The nameless poor have a face, and it's a pompous white man. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ The nameless poor have a face, and it's a pompous white man. Hostility makes me shrink up like a...I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Hostility makes me shrink up like a...I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor. Steve McQueen without hair? It's a blessing he died young. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Steve McQueen without hair? It's a blessing he died young. Mistakes are as serious as the results they cause! http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Mistakes are as serious as the results they cause! Work smart, not hard. That's my philosophy, boss. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Work smart, not hard. That's my philosophy, boss. I know you're in there! I can hear you caring! http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I know you're in there! I can hear you caring! Key to a long life—exotic women, boring cheese. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Key to a long life—exotic women, boring cheese. Lungs, skin... skin, lungs... Sklungs? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Lungs, skin... skin, lungs... Sklungs? Gotta go—building full of sick people. If I can hurry, maybe I can avoid them. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Gotta go—building full of sick people. If I can hurry, maybe I can avoid them. You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic. Seizures are fun to watch, but boring to diagnose. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Seizures are fun to watch, but boring to diagnose. Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one. She needed to be hurt. I wanted to hurt her. Win-win. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ She needed to be hurt. I wanted to hurt her. Win-win. Why don’t I have hi-def in my office? I’m a department head! http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Why don’t I have hi-def in my office? I’m a department head! You remove this kid's eye he's only going to be half as good at not making eye contact. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ You remove this kid's eye he's only going to be half as good at not making eye contact. So he has 3 tumors and we missed all of them. What's the opposite of a miracle? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ So he has 3 tumors and we missed all of them. What's the opposite of a miracle? House's house of whining. State your complaint. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ House's house of whining. State your complaint. Here's a thought. Why don't we not assume that the test is negative 'til we actually do it. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Here's a thought. Why don't we not assume that the test is negative 'til we actually do it. Bad mojo is not a diagnosis. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Bad mojo is not a diagnosis. Can we forget my vices and get back to my virtues? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Can we forget my vices and get back to my virtues? People in my life have no expectations of me. It makes all our lives easier. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ People in my life have no expectations of me. It makes all our lives easier. You think if I deal with enough people, I'll find some humanity? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ You think if I deal with enough people, I'll find some humanity? The only thing I hate more than a thief is a crippled thief. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ The only thing I hate more than a thief is a crippled thief. My life is just one horror after another. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ My life is just one horror after another. I told you never to call me when I'm on trial. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I told you never to call me when I'm on trial. Just because it's inexplicted doesn't mean it's inexplicable. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Just because it's inexplicted doesn't mean it's inexplicable. If you're considering grabbing my ass, don't start anything you can't finish. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ If you're considering grabbing my ass, don't start anything you can't finish. Even fetuses lie. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Even fetuses lie. Never is just 'reven' spelled backwards. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Never is just 'reven' spelled backwards. By the end of six weeks, one of you will be gone. As will twenty-eight more of you. Wear a cup. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ By the end of six weeks, one of you will be gone. As will twenty-eight more of you. Wear a cup. Luckily violence isn't the last resort. Extortion is. Go ahead. Extort her. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Luckily violence isn't the last resort. Extortion is. Go ahead. Extort her. Heeeeeeeeere's Osama! http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Heeeeeeeeere's Osama! You don't think non-answers tell me anything? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ You don't think non-answers tell me anything? Do your sex organs dangle, Cutthroat Bitch? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Do your sex organs dangle, Cutthroat Bitch? So we have a new symptom to explain; why does his throat think his lungs are his stomach? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ So we have a new symptom to explain; why does his throat think his lungs are his stomach? I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself from lawsuits. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself from lawsuits. You couldn't let her get to second base to get the test done? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ You couldn't let her get to second base to get the test done? So, um, if I need them, where exactly will Dr. Foreman be keeping my balls?" http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ So, um, if I need them, where exactly will Dr. Foreman be keeping my balls?" Any country with that low an age of consent but that high a rate of suicide isn't thinking straight. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Any country with that low an age of consent but that high a rate of suicide isn't thinking straight. Someone's gonna be miserable sometime. Accept it. That's how I stay so happy. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Someone's gonna be miserable sometime. Accept it. That's how I stay so happy. So now you've electrocuted yourself and set a patient on fire. I like the dedication. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ So now you've electrocuted yourself and set a patient on fire. I like the dedication. People don't learn; people don't change. But you did. You're a freak. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ People don't learn; people don't change. But you did. You're a freak. My friends call me 'The Cane.' Even before I messed up my leg. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ My friends call me 'The Cane.' Even before I messed up my leg. Does the 'I' in CIA stand for Irony? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Does the 'I' in CIA stand for Irony? My malpractice insurance doesn't cover alien autopsies. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ My malpractice insurance doesn't cover alien autopsies. How many lives have been lost because of pretty girls? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ How many lives have been lost because of pretty girls? Bad ideas indicate an open mind. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Bad ideas indicate an open mind. Did you just insult me in Pig Latin? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Did you just insult me in Pig Latin? You're right about me being wrong and wrong about you being right. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ You're right about me being wrong and wrong about you being right. My eyes look better in rooms with summer colors. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ My eyes look better in rooms with summer colors. Can I stare at your wardrobe and question your ass. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Can I stare at your wardrobe and question your ass. I finally have a case of lupus. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I finally have a case of lupus. I noticed a trend: if no one does anything, sick people often get sicker. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I noticed a trend: if no one does anything, sick people often get sicker. You let her greedy fingers right into my cookie jar. Which, sadly, is not as dirty as it sounds. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ You let her greedy fingers right into my cookie jar. Which, sadly, is not as dirty as it sounds. I need you to bring me the thong of Lisa Cuddy. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I need you to bring me the thong of Lisa Cuddy. There's something freeing about being a loser, isn't there? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ There's something freeing about being a loser, isn't there? You were doing better before you had a good idea http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ You were doing better before you had a good idea I've heard not all lawyers are as ethical as the ones we see on TV. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I've heard not all lawyers are as ethical as the ones we see on TV. There are three choices in life: be good, get good or give up. You went for column D. Why? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ There are three choices in life: be good, get good or give up. You went for column D. Why? I remembered I'm not a Satanist. I'm a druid. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I remembered I'm not a Satanist. I'm a druid. The problem with sleeping with strangers is ... they're strange. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ The problem with sleeping with strangers is ... they're strange. Lies are like children: they're hard work, but it's worth it because the future depends on them. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Lies are like children: they're hard work, but it's worth it because the future depends on them. I know almost nothing of alien physiology. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ I know almost nothing of alien physiology. Your theory is: I cared, therefore I let her keep her socks on? If that's what love is, I don't want anything to do with it. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Your theory is: I cared, therefore I let her keep her socks on? If that's what love is, I don't want anything to do with it. He drilled a hole in your skull after drinking your pee. I think he's up for this. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ He drilled a hole in your skull after drinking your pee. I think he's up for this. Only if you count Jenna Jameson's autobiography as a gynecological text. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Only if you count Jenna Jameson's autobiography as a gynecological text. Did they teach that before or after the class on fondling your inner child? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Did they teach that before or after the class on fondling your inner child? Coma Guy needs cable. Women's billiards is the only thing keeping him alive. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Coma Guy needs cable. Women's billiards is the only thing keeping him alive. Slippery slope -- today we withhold porn, tomorrow it's clean bandages. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Slippery slope -- today we withhold porn, tomorrow it's clean bandages. "How's our mental Yentl? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ "How's our mental Yentl? And I call you Cutthroat Bitch, well, quod erat demonstrandum. And I speak in Latin because I don't try to hide what an ass I am. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ And I call you Cutthroat Bitch, well, quod erat demonstrandum. And I speak in Latin because I don't try to hide what an ass I am. People don't change. For example, I'm gonna keep on repeating 'people don't change. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ People don't change. For example, I'm gonna keep on repeating 'people don't change. She's scary. Why does scary need pathetic? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ She's scary. Why does scary need pathetic? You don't like strong, you don't like assertive. You like needy. She's not dying, is she? http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ You don't like strong, you don't like assertive. You like needy. She's not dying, is she? Everyboy dies. http://houseisgod.com/ http://houseisgod.com/ Everyboy dies.